lostinmirkwood

Dead mouse in the vineyard

It’s been a long time since I posted.
I realize this.

and It will be longer until I will again.

And it’s not that I don’t care about my select and few readers.
It’s more along the lines of, I really don’t give a shit at all.

A nasty month. December is as always, as of late, a nasty month.

Pointlessly, I tried to grab a album to listen to while I typed, and found It neither on my PC, disc changer, nor Car.

I resorted to searching through stacks of misplaced CDs, scattered like the land of misfit toys throughout my house; to No avail.

A cricket squeaks in the distance, she shall be my music this early morning.

So, New Jersey...
Perfectly, tempting (emptying) as always.

I have stories to write about it, but they may be alone captured in photos, So as not to expose my true intent. Of my place, my being, my hopes. I find it so much easier just to leave it open to interpretation.

I, for the first time (since returning to this to this God-awful State known as California, know as despair), ventured out tonight.

My walk took me to Beaver’s Bar and Grill. To the GooseTown and then to shadier areas in this so called City of San Jose.

Shall I ever find discussion as I have once known?
Shall I ever find love?

My answer to this and to all things is No. You shall not.

Then… What now?

Later this weekend I will post some photos from my trip. Hopefully, they will allow you, oh not so avid reader, to see things for a moment in my own eyes. See the scenes I wish to capture, if only for a moment.

Oh so many changes.
I received, from my selfless and giving parents a true true gift. One that I realize I do not deserve. They decided to fill one of my bookcases with an enormous tomb. 127lbs. in full; I feel blessed.

Oh so many changes.
TPB taught me much during my short visit. In never knowing a brother; he showed me that the 'establishment of' and 'development with' is a long and thorny trail; one that in the end, may and will yield a freighting bright enlightenment of the self.

Oh so many changes.
My parents, of whom I have not spent my most glorious and active of years with; seem to grow younger and brighter with each passing day. A change that as a child I never witnessed. A change that is new.

Oh so many changes.
My sister. Finally in love, (or so she things and so we hope.) With a man that treats her fairly. A man that treats her more as a princess and friend then as a girlfriend or lover.

Oh so many changes.
What will this year bring. Shall it bring me back home?
Shall it bring me away from these dark dark nights that I Have become accustomed to walking in over the past few years. Or shall it bring, yet another shroud over my life. Suffocating me more and more, so that I finally is a resolute bow, accept that it shall never be as it once was.

(More to come; but tonight, I’m more tired, than I have been for some time.)

“Teeth like God’s Shoeshine”

This last few weeks have tried me like not many in the past.
I returned back to my homeland as many of you know for a week+’s time.
Time with the family and TPB was beautiful.

“Or you could add it up and Give a Shit, Give a shit!”

Where to now.
Where to now; after returning and wanting more than ever to leave.
Where to now after your chariot was stolen.
Where to now after your family has faded.
Where to now after your identity has become someone else’s.
Where to but literature and poetry.
Where to but discussion amongst friends.

Life passes and briefly.

I desire so much more to write this evening.
But thinking about the last entry has made me pause.

I shall instead light a candle,
And think of tomorrow.

DJ Adams and Joey Romero; we shall miss.

"I had not thought death had undone so many.
Sighs, short and infrequent, were exhaled,
And each man fixed his eyes before his feet..."

TR had two close friends DJ Adams and Joey Romero pass away tragically last week, He, his family; as well as the rest of us have been hauntingly affected by this.

Not like Plath’s egotistical passing, these boys had something to look forward to; they being artists, only one comes to mind on this late evening.

"There is no way to be truly great in this world. We are all impaled on the crook
of conditioning. A fish that is in the water has no choice that he is. Genius would
have it that we swim in sand. We are fish and we drown."

Had they the ability, we would have them with us.
GodSpeed.
We shall all see you again.

Separated at Birth?

Separated at Birth?
TR and Brad Pitt.

Trailer Trash

"Eating snow flakes with plastic forks
And a paper plate of course
you think of everything

Short love with a long divorce
And a couple of kids of course
They don't mean anything

Live in trailers with no class
goddamn I hope I can pass
high school means nothing

Taking heartache with hard work
Goddamn I am such a jerk
I can't do anything

And I shout that you're all fakes (FAKES)
And you should have seen the look on your face
And I guess that's what it takes
When comparing your bellyaches

And it's been a long time
Which agrees with this watch of mine
And I know that I miss you
And I'm sorry that I dissed you"

-Modest Mouse

Fear and Loathing.

TR came over for a bit to watch this week’s 24, we’re still trying to find a good plan for tomorrow night, I’m in the mood for some Jazz and maybe the SJ wine bar, haven’t been there in a while. Though the Willow Glen Roasting Company is having a Jazz night on Saturday, so maybe it will be delayed for a day.

I ended up watching “Rules of Attraction” not only because of Shannyn Sossamon, but the writer/director Roger Avary had worked on Killing Zoe, Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction (most co-authored with Quentin Tarantino) and based the movie off of a book by Bret Easton Ellis who’s a bit of a psycho.

I actually enjoyed most of it and though wearing the garb of a satiric college age drug sex and discovery movie, there were at least three brilliant scenes that allowed the casual viewer (read as writing code while watching.) to stay hooked and not bother to change the channel. I must note, this is not at all a standard Date/Chick flick you would have assumed from the Cover or the Cast. It’s a little darker than this, “American Psyco2“ College feel, with a “Snatch.” Cinematography, but looking at his previous work this Guy ain’t Richie.

Opening Scene, shots half shot in full speed reverse, which does an interesting job of setting up the major characters. (Reverse played film tends to keep one’s attention hoping to catch a critical point. I only saw the girl by the tree. If you watch the film this is supposedly critical.) Followed by another camera trick about 20 mins later where to separate cameras, track both characters split-screen, then pan ~90Degrees at the end of the conversation to make a seamless shot.

Second interesting Shot, Bathtub suicide scene. (not a spoiler, you’ll never see it coming. If you did then you’d expect it already.) It’s almost 1 1/2 Friggin’ minutes long. And most of it a bust shot (Bust, as in the Dead Composer upon your Bösendorfer). Speaking of music, Milla Jovovich supposedly sang during one of the scenes according to the credits.

Third, the character named Victor, (played by some no name actor, who’s major influence on the movie was voice over work) recounts his 4 month trip to Europe. Filmed much like the American diamond investor in Snatch: Pop some pills and jump on plane Cut to next scene. He recounts his travels in about a 3 minute monologue Snipit, snipit, snipit of sex drugs and accidental tourism, OH I know what it reminded me of, Fear and Loathing!

Well it was an interesting evening and an interesting movie, I wouldn’t go as far as to fully recommend it, though I’m itching to see parts of it again. I'll Tivo it next time it's on, for the Victor Scene alone.

Frightfully bored

It's nearing 3:30 I've been trying to move off my couch to get a glass of water for over an hour now. Been surfing a bit (Dating sites oddly enough, Saw a witty girl from Manitoba Canada) and coding for work since I arrived home at 11:15.

IFC is playing the same movie "The Sleeping Dictionary" it was on about 4 hours ago, I caught/listened to the last half. Now I get to see the beginning, awful movie but shockingly good cinematography and tribal music. Oddly enough the Cute girl/love interest (Jessica Alba) in the film conveniently speaks English and the witch doctor Golfs… I’m confused but glad I’m not really trying to follow it.

Work's going alright this evening, too much to do before my trip home.

I sent TPB a little birthday package, the book wasn’t really in stock so he’ll receive it Late, I hope by tomorrow.

I finally kicked that cold/allergies I had since last Tuesday, now I have a headache so painful I'm incessantly grinding my teeth, I’ve had it since yesterday afternoon. I hope it is not the onset of the flu.

I had an ad hoc date last night with a girl named Tara. She's a cocktail waitress at a local bar/restaurant, ended up at Boswell’s in Campbell for a bit and then back here to chat. First time I ever hung out with her. Sweet girl. I’d like to repost a bit of the evenings events, just not right now.

Friday night Dan and I played a bit of Vernon Hardapple. Quite engaging. I shall do it again and Often.

Went GeoCaching Sunday morning, afternoon and night. B-Tab and I completed 5 in willow glen in the Dark; quite fun.

I think I'm succeeding in writing solely in tangential fragments.

:The dancing is over We go to sleep now!:

What a Day!

I was reminded of the "Puffy Cloud Mountains" in upper New York State this morning, so I did some work on re-creating them.

Fake Rendered Love: Fall_2003_bw

I added a new image that I've been working on: Fake Rendered Love: Fall_2003_bw , My first attempt at using Depth of Field in a rendered scene.
I also up'ed the Color Image.

Space-Time and Metaphysics over Wine

“Thus things are said in many ways to exist, but all with reference to one starting point. For some are said to exist because they are substances, others because they are affections of substances, others because they are paths to substance or destructions or privations or qualities or producers or creators of substances or of things said to exist by reference to substance or are negations of these or of substances.”

-A, Metaphysics
Translated by W. D. Ross

I posted a new GeoCaching at Sanburn and added to Fake Rendered Love galleries today.

BDW - Birthday, Weak.

Ah… My birthday weekend.
I spent most of it with B-Tab, DannyBoy, CC, and TR.
Dannyboy held an amazing party, thus I, being the pimp I was dressed as, spent most of the night talking to the two cutest girls at the party, (for fans of lostinmirkwood’s “game” I must say all’s I got was a few kisses, though Saturday brought better times.) Peppermint is the girl in the photo, Somehow we never snagged a pic of Fangs (a hot blondie with mouth piercing, she gave me her number which I quickly disposed of.)

As many of you have heard, I was involved in a fistfight, I’ll write about it in another entry, TPB; it wasn’t nearly as eventful as yours.

Luna called me sometime later that evening after we had arrived back at home; she seemed lonely so I thought it would be a great idea to send her flowers, unfortunately I mistyped my Card expiration date, my spam blocker Ate their reply e-mail, she’ll receive them tomorrow instead.

I uploaded a bunch of photos from the birthday week. The earlier ones show me with my eye infection, and another of me posing as a pop singer, looking lovely as can be! (comment if you can discern his name, Grrrarrr.)

I also posted some photos of some calamari and octopus, that I cooked a few weekends ago at my local fishmonger. I must say, if you make the drive you can purchase some amazing seafood for unbelievable prices at a fishmonger; I ended up frying the delicate parts in a spicy Italian sauce with clams and mussels (request the recipe if you wish. Though, I plan to start a cooking page of simple delicious dishes I’ve discovered.)

So, I finally cooked a whole chicken. (Recipe soon to be posted, a must try!) Chicken, thyme and two lemons is all that is needed apart from standard fare. Oh, I guess you’ll need some stale bread too.

Birthday Night:
I arrived as the most pimping pimp there ever was! “Wit’ all Da’ Bling Bling!”
B-Tab was as usual the sheriff, in all his tombstone glory!
TR, showed up as a late era Michael Jackson. See the photo, enough said.
DannyBoy was the angel of death of sorts, I told him he looked like Jessica Alba, but he said it wasn’t his Tru Calling.

Have a look at the photo's and laugh :)

-LiM

in dreams of mermaids

Written Oct 1st, 2003

“Dare we enter this abandoned fall?”
grave men’s voices echoed
in the tired wilderness,
with crackling hits of youth.

A broken fence laid pathway
Down eroded stairs, entrenched
With cheap paint riddles.
False sunset hues, drawn from
Blanco balanced falling leaves,
Silver-oxide replaced,
liquid lattice focus finding. Captured.
Moment, with instant critique.
Click! Shutter winding silently.

Upon this boat three men traveled,
Goals, left the journey to wandering.
To a moon-phase dependant;
sandy beach.

A bard captured each frown,
formulated phrase,
Gaze
and oft pitched note of song.

The shadow expanded in the Cleft
of a tide etched, blown sand cliff,
The shadows pointed
half way down the dial
and wants of home.

Ship departed.
As sea creatures sighed
and expanded in their relief.

Dank and dusty,
mold-ridden seamstress provided,
A timeless mirror
into thirty laps of Apollo’s past,
Eternal race.

Now gilded in the amore’ armor
of days not so long past,
fed our animal inside to hunt
the nights prey, with the calm,
viper-like movements
of the chain’s top link.

“Where to now, after such an event?”

“To relate and retell.”

”To whom? Who here would ever see,
in this basement retreat?”

“Correction, Speakeasy,
Dear friend,
We are among brothers.”

And the brothers embraced,
Though they knew tomorrow,
a dark confusion would cloud
each of tonight’s enraged arguments.

Trolling home, lines retracting
in the late evenings prep work
for recounting.

“Ship’s A’ Sail!”

“Bid this captain farewell,
for he moves to rest,
in dreams of mermaids
and suckling of breasts.

“Where were each of you?”
he loudly proclaimed,
as if upon Siani, or walking on
the brother’s outstretched sane.
“Your rules no longer apply!”

“No! But I have seen
and finally understand,
whilst standing on the brown, barren streets
at a everyman’s home. I have seen;
and the curtain,
has been torn from its rod,
now lies crumpled on the floor”

“Have you gone daft?!
Or to confused to think?
Like me riddled by the blur
Of our last drink?”

He stood approaching the border,
Etched in hatred and imported terracotta,
Was unknowingly drawn forward by the deep
Red and orange ceiling
Blooming, while the dial crept.

Draped on the floor,
now crumpled,
laid the masked curtain’s remnants,
awaiting to be dragged
into this fire’s expecting tide.

“Aye!”

”Gentlemen, Lines up! You have reaped
and ravened your prey long enough,
for this night.
Tomorrow beacons.”

Soft down entrenched,
head and soul detached.
Spirals toward the archway above.
Body crushed down to the rat infested floor.

But, more; I hear him.
Calling out,
For a last time this evening.

“I have seen and finally understand,
though now it is to late.”

“Oh, But wait!”
Again, I hear my captain calling:

“Bid not thee,
my dearest,
my friend farewell.

For see, I, still move or lest
in dreams of mermaids
and my dark and final rest,
I somehow stir.”

Fake Rendered Love addition

Rendered using Terragen v8.68,
I'd worked on this a bit during my birthday week.
The entire landscape (DEM) is fractaly generated, with some
Photoshop touchups of the mountains edges.



Mostly in the mood to play with lighting on high noise, flat
sections (lower right corner) and atmospheric diffusion of light
within a "fogy" (high amount of water vapor) atmosphere.



The low incident angle of the sun allowed for much desired sun beams and brought out a bit of the texture in the foreground.



The water looks...er...reasonable, I’ve done better.


Happy Birthday Lostinmirkwood
I shall add a new post (a poem actually) from Oct 1st, later this evening.

Dear Friends

An old friend of mine, Luna wrote me tonight. I always love hearing from her. She somehow makes all the massively horrid times of my life fade away. Seems that she and her boy are having troubles, welcome back to the clan.

I was sick all weekend, to the point of not driving into work yesterday, my blindness at times, irritates me.

TPB and J-Dub had dinner at my parent’s house this evening.
Quotes from the evening, via Momma-K.
"Lighthearted, tossing of the ball of conversation across the court of sarcasm; Score TPB:5, J-Dub:2, Momma-K:0 (But I made dinner! So I was off the hook.). TPB, went ballistic on Momma-K’s C.C.Cookies. (Though, said he lost about 25lbs. And looks fantastic! ‘Props’ TPB."
“J-Dub’s Girlfriend is so sweet and soooo nice, and oddly enough really likes him.”
J-Dub, “What does she see in me??? I’ll never know.”

Again, lostinmirkwood dines alone, picked up some Chilean Sea Bass for dinner, though I can’t seem to get my self to cook it. Spaghetti-O’s it is.

Wishing you a Happy Halloween Week!